Money and Marriage: The Conversations You Can’t Avoid

July 24, 2025

When two people fall in love, they talk about dreams, babies, the wedding venue… but rarely about bank statements.

Yet, the one thing that will show up in every part of your marriage—from how you raise your children to how you plan holidays or handle emergencies—is money. Not talking about it early doesn’t make the issue disappear. It only delays the tension.

This article isn’t about how much you have—it’s about how you handle what you have together.

Joint Accounts vs. Personal Accounts

Let’s be honest—there is no one-size-fits-all. Some couples swear by full transparency with a joint account. Others prefer a hybrid method: one joint account for shared expenses (bills, rent, groceries) and personal accounts for individual spending.

Here’s what to consider:

  • A joint account requires trust, discipline, and shared values. It can promote teamwork but may feel restrictive to some.

  • A personal account maintains autonomy and allows each person to manage their financial personality (especially if one is a saver and the other a spender).

  • A hybrid model creates balance, giving structure to the household while preserving some freedom.

Whichever you choose, clarity beats assumption. Know who’s paying what, when, and why.

Yes—financial abuse is real, and it happens even in “good homes.” It’s when one partner:

  • Controls all the money and restricts the other from spending

  • Forces you to account for every cent with no shared transparency

  • Refuses to include you in decisions on major purchases

  • Uses money as a tool to manipulate or punish

If you’re afraid to ask for money or are constantly gaslighted about your financial needs—that’s not normal.

Money should be a tool for peace, not control.

Partnering in Purpose, Not Just Lifestyle

It’s easy to agree on a lifestyle: “We want a nice house, a decent car, travel once a year.”
But do you share a purpose?

Here’s what that means:

  • Are you building something together that outlives you?

  • Are your financial decisions rooted in shared values (generosity, legacy, freedom)?

  • Are you building wealth with intention—or just surviving month to month?

Purpose-driven marriages talk about:

  • Investments, not just spending

  • Financial literacy for children

  • Long-term giving and community impact

  • Financial plans for when one person can’t work

Don’t just share expenses—share the vision.

A wedding ring won’t fix broken money habits.

Before you say “I do,” say “Let’s talk.”
Before you combine your lives, combine your budgets.
Before you buy furniture, build financial furniture—solid conversations, flexible plans, and mutual respect.

Marriage is not just about love.
It’s also about money maturity.

Posted in For Mentees
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