Because I’ve written a book for the boy child, something interesting has been happening…
I am holding more conversations with men than I ever have in my life.
And the honesty they bring is teaching me things I wish more people knew.
Recently, one gentleman shared a story that has stayed with me.
His long-term relationship fell apart a few years ago.
He said his partner was beautiful — “well built,” as he put it.
Everything the world celebrates.
Everything people point at and say, “You’ve found a good one.”
But beauty was not the problem.
The issue was that she had no base.
He told me,
“Nicole, each time I proposed something — Project A or B — she would say, ‘Just pick any.’
Not because she trusted me…
but because she had nothing to contribute. No curiosity. No opinion. No development.
She didn’t want to learn anything. She wasn’t growing.”
And he said something that many people shy away from saying:
“It’s important to marry an educated woman.”
But before anyone rushes into degrees, let me be clear:
Education is not limited to universities.
Education is exposure.
Education is curiosity.
Education is growth.
Education is the willingness to expand your mind and your world.
You can master makeup…
You can contour perfectly…
You can draw the sharpest eyebrows…
You can dress with elegance…
You can walk like a dream in heels…
But still lack base.
Base is your worldview.
Base is how you think.
Base is the conversations you can hold.
Base is the way you analyse options.
Base is the growth you pursue when nobody is watching.
Base is what makes you a partner — not an accessory.
What that man described was not a lack of beauty — it was a lack of engagement.
A lack of desire to understand his dreams.
A lack of willingness to build something together.
And many men, silently, are carrying this frustration:
being with someone who looks the part but cannot walk the journey.
Girl child, hear me gently:
Build your mind as intentionally as you build your appearance.
Grow your depth as passionately as you grow your look.
Because marriage needs more than beauty — it needs contribution.
And to the boy child:
Choose someone who is willing to grow with you,
not someone who expects your growth to carry you both.
This generation must learn that partnership is not about appearance.
It is about alignment, development, and the ability to think with someone,
not just pose next to them.