There are graves of women in the church that people like to spiritualize.
We are told, “It was God’s time.”
We are told, “She fought a good fight.”
We are told, “She was a strong woman of faith.”
But if we are honest — really honest — some of those graves are not about God’s timing.
They are the result of what those women went through while everyone kept saying,
“Pray harder.”
“Fast more.”
“Endure, it will pass.”
Meanwhile, nobody offered counselling.
Nobody offered safety.
Nobody offered a plan.
Nobody sat with them and said, “Your mental health matters. Your life matters.”
Some of those women carried wounds silently because the church made silence look holy.
And if we dare to speak about it, let’s also speak about pastors’ wives.
Women who are expected to be the perfect blend of prayer warrior, counsellor, hostess, intercessor, mother, administrator, and emotional shock absorber for an entire congregation — while carrying their own unspoken battles.
Women who are often told to “cover your husband,”
“protect the ministry,”
“don’t embarrass the church,”
even when their hearts are breaking and their strength is fading.
Women who preach strength but are never allowed to be weak.
Women who sit quietly in the front row while people praise their “virtue,”
yet nobody asks them,
“Are you okay?”
“Do you need help?”
“Do you feel safe?”
“Who counsels you?”
We cannot keep pretending that prayer alone heals trauma.
We cannot keep throwing scripture at wounds that need therapy, community, accountability, and medical attention.
We cannot keep confusing silence with faithfulness.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is:
• get counselling
• say “I need help”
• walk away from abuse
• choose therapy and healing
• choose life
God is not glorified by suffering that destroys you.
God is not honored by pain that could have been prevented.
God is not waiting for women to break before He blesses them.
Healing is holy.
Counselling is holy.
Safety is holy.
Rest is holy.
Mental wellness is holy.
If we want fewer graves and more testimonies,
the church must become a place of truth, safety, therapy, care, and accountability —
not a place where women are praised for surviving storms that should have been stopped.
This generation must do better.
We must choose life.
We must fight for the living, not only mourn the fallen.
And may the next daughter of Zion not be buried under the weight of silence.