Can I confess something openly?
I was once removed from a group. Blocked. Just like that.
A friend had invited me into a women’s group. It was active, engaging, full of prayer points and discussions around relationships and marriage.
One day, there was a session where everyone was asked to make declarations.
The focus?
“Pray for a wealthy man.”
“Speak into attracting a wealthy partner.”
I watched.
I listened.
And then I asked a simple question.
I said, “Are we not also supposed to pray that we ourselves become wealthy… so we can match the kind of men we are desiring?”
That was it.
No insult. No disrespect. Just a question.
The group went silent.
For hours.
And then… I was removed.
When I tried to reach out, I realised I had also been blocked.
My friend came into my inbox upset. She said I had embarrassed her.
But the truth is…
That question did not come from rebellion.
It came from confusion.
And now, after sitting with a video I recently shared, after thinking deeply about it for days, I realise that moment was bigger than I thought.
Because maybe what I touched on was not just a question…
It was a system.
A belief.
A way of raising girls.
You know I have written about the boy child before.
You know I have spoken about the pressure placed on men, especially financially.
But today, I want to go further back.
Back to parenting.
Back to the messages we give the girl child.
And I hope even those holding the bridal shower syllabus are paying attention.
Because some of what we are seeing today…
Started at home.
We have girls who were raised with one central message:
“You don’t need to do much. A man will come and provide for you.”So the focus became:
Cook well.Clean well.Present yourself well.
And one day, a man will give you a life.
Now that girl is in the 21st century.
And maybe, unfortunately, she did not meet the man with the life she was promised.
She did not meet the “provider” in the way she was taught to expect.
So what happens?
She starts looking for solutions.
Fast ones.
She starts measuring men almost entirely through provision.
She starts seeing allowance as love.
She starts seeing any man who cannot fund a certain lifestyle as “bare minimum.”
And because she was never trained to see her own capacity beyond being maintained, she becomes desperate for a life she was told should come through someone else.
Can I shake the table a little?
Some parents have raised daughters with teachings that push them dangerously close to transactional living.
Because if all you teach a girl is that a man must provide, but you do not give her boundaries, discernment, work ethic, self-leadership, financial intelligence, or purpose, what exactly have you prepared her for?
You have reduced partnership to maintenance.
You have trained her to centre a man’s wallet before his wisdom.
You did not teach her to ask:
Can he lead?Can he think?Can he build?Can he cover me spiritually?Does he have emotional intelligence?
No.
You taught her one thing:
Can he provide?
And that teaching is not small.
It shapes how she sees men.
How she sees herself.
How she enters relationships.
And when life becomes hard, it pushes some women into dangerous patterns.
Some into dependency.
Some into performative relationships.
Some into becoming slay queens.
And yes, some into prostitution.
That is a hard word.
But not every broken outcome starts outside.
Some of it starts at home
Some of it starts with teachings that told a girl her future would come through someone else’s pocket.
And then we add another contradiction.
The same people who say, “Get married, your husband must take care of you,”
Are often the same ones who, when that married daughter needs help, say:
“But you have a husband now.”
Sit with that.
You raised her to depend.
Then you shame her for depending.
You told her not to build.
Then life punishes her for not building.
And we are surprised by the outcomes.
Maybe the real question is this:
What exactly are we teaching our daughters about life?
Because some of the realities we are criticising today…
Were planted years ago, in normal homes, as normal advice.
And maybe that question I asked in that group was uncomfortable…
Because it challenged something deeper than a prayer point.
It challenged a belief.
That maybe… just maybe…
We should not only be praying for provision.
We should also be raising women who can build.