“Pray about it” is not enough.
Our girls need safe spaces to talk, ask, and grow—with faith and with truth.
“But she needs to pray more.”
That was someone’s response during a five-hour family discussion I sat in last Friday.
We had gathered over a cousin who’d been “acting out,” and as we were peeling back the layers of her behaviour, someone suggested that what she really needed—above all else—was prayer.
And don’t get me wrong: I believe in prayer.
It is the foundation of my life.
It is the reason I can sit in such rooms today with clarity and compassion.
But here’s the truth I need us to hold gently:
Prayer is not a substitute for conversation.
Especially when we’re raising girls and boys.
When one of my uncles said, “We can’t leave Nicole out of this—she does work around the girl child,”
I felt deeply seen. Not because I had answers. But because I’ve spent years listening to stories, mentoring young women, sitting with their confusion, their shame, their becoming. And I’ve seen the harm that happens when we only say “pray about it”—but never create space to talk about it.
Teenagehood isn’t just a phase. It’s a collision of emotion, identity, biology, pressure, and awakening.
It’s a sacred storm.
And we cannot afford to respond to that storm with silence, shame, or just a single instruction to kneel beside a bed and pray.
Yes, let them pray. But also: let them speak.
Let them ask awkward questions.
Let them stumble through their confusion.
Let them say things that make us uncomfortable—because silence doesn’t purify, it imprisons.
When girls hit puberty, their bodies change—but their worlds do too.
Their sense of self.
Their curiosity.
Their ability to discern right and wrong.
Their hunger to belong, to be validated, to be seen.
And while prayer is powerful, it is not a replacement for:
Education about body image, safety, and consent.
Conversations about boundaries, friendships, and peer pressure.
Honest guidance about boys, hormones, and heartbreak.
Lessons on identity, confidence, and mental wellness.
And yes—even talking about sex in a way that informs and protects, not just warns.
I say this as a Christian woman who prays.
But I also say this as a mentor who’s had girls break down because their questions were dismissed in the name of spirituality.
Let’s not hide behind prayer. Let’s stand beside it.
Prayer and presence.
Prayer and parenting.
Prayer and proper conversation.
Because some of these things cannot be cast out—they must be walked through.
With love.
With knowledge.
With real language and real understanding.
To raise girls and boys in this generation, we need more than instructions to behave.
We need to be the adults who can hold their questions, guide their feelings, and offer truth without fear.
I’m still processing that conversation from Friday.
But I’m clear about one thing:
When the church stays silent, the world fills in the gaps.
And I refuse to be part of the silence.
Let’s pray.
But let’s also talk.