I think we need to talk about basic phone etiquette when communicating with people who are not in your inner circle.
I am deliberately saying people outside your inner circle because your family and close friends already understand your communication habits. Your sister may understand a random “Hi.” Your best friend may happily answer an unexpected video call. Someone close to you may listen to your eight-minute voice note without thinking twice.
But when you are communicating with a potential employer, client, service provider, business owner, colleague you barely know, professional contact, mentor or simply someone you have never interacted with before, familiarity should not be assumed.
Here are 20 basic phone etiquette rules I think we should remember:
▪ Greet people.
“Good morning,” “Good afternoon,” or even a simple “Hello” matters. Going straight into “How much?” “Send me the address” or “I need your help” can come across as abrupt.
▪ Introduce yourself.
If this is our first conversation, tell me who you are. “Good afternoon, my name is Tendai. I got your contact from…” immediately gives the conversation context.
▪ Please don’t send only “Hi.”
Greet, introduce yourself and state why you are contacting the person in the same message. Don’t make someone respond “Hi” before you reveal the purpose of the conversation.
▪ Tell people how you got their number.
If someone referred you, say so. If you found the number on a business page, mention it. A stranger should not have to wonder how you gained access to their contact details.
▪ Don’t open a first conversation with a video call.
This one genuinely surprises me. You have never spoken to someone before and the first thing appearing on their screen is your face requesting entry through a video call. Please send a message first.
▪ Ask before calling when there is no established relationship.
A simple, “Are you available for a quick call?” gives the other person an opportunity to tell you whether the timing is convenient.
▪ One unanswered call does not require six more calls.
If the matter is not an emergency, leave a message explaining why you called and allow the person to respond.
▪ Use voice notes thoughtfully.
Voice notes are convenient for the sender, but not always for the receiver. Someone may be in an office, meeting, classroom or public space and unable to listen.
▪ Please don’t introduce yourself through a seven-minute voice note.
If the information requires that much explanation, first provide context in writing and ask whether you can call. Long voice notes shouldn’t automatically become someone else’s assignment.
▪ Respect people’s time.
Seeing someone online does not mean they are available to you. Seeing them post a status does not mean they have deliberately ignored your message. Online presence and personal availability are two different things.
▪ Allow reasonable time for a response.
“Hello?” “???” “Are you there?” “Please respond.” All within thirty minutes is unnecessary. Unless something is genuinely urgent, give people room to get back to you.
▪ Be mindful of the time you contact people.
Not every thought needs to become somebody else’s 11:45 p.m. notification. If it is a non-urgent professional matter, reasonable hours are usually better.
▪ Don’t assume familiarity that hasn’t been established.
“Babe,” “hun,” “sweetie,” “my love,” “dear” and other sentimental or affectionate names may be completely normal within your circles, but they can feel overly familiar coming from someone you barely know. Allow relationships to find their own level of familiarity.
▪ The same applies to sentimental messages.
Be thoughtful about sending deeply personal, emotional, romantic, religious or otherwise intimate messages to people with whom you haven’t built that kind of relationship. Something being meaningful to you doesn’t automatically make it appropriate for every contact.
▪ Don’t send someone’s phone an entire catalogue before saying hello.
Five flyers, six pictures, three links and “Please support my business” should probably come after an introduction and some context.
▪ Don’t add people to WhatsApp groups without permission.
Someone giving you their phone number—or you obtaining it legitimately—does not automatically mean they have agreed to join your church group, business group, investment group or community.
▪ Communicate clearly.
You don’t need to sound like a corporate memo, but messages such as “Job?” “Price?” “Where?” or “Interested” can make communication unnecessarily difficult. A complete sentence costs very little.
▪ Know when WhatsApp is no longer the right format.
If you have exchanged 17 voice notes trying to explain one issue, perhaps it is time to say, “Would it be easier if we had a ten-minute call?”
▪ Respect communication boundaries when someone establishes them.
If someone says, “Please email me,” email them. If they say they cannot take calls during working hours, respect that. If they prefer appointments, make one. Good communication includes learning how the other person can reasonably be reached.
▪ Remember that having someone’s number gives you contact, not entitlement.
It doesn’t automatically give you immediate access to their time, attention, emotional space or personal life.
And perhaps that is the principle underneath all of this.
Phone etiquette is not about becoming cold, robotic or unnecessarily formal.
You can be warm. You can greet people beautifully. You can be friendly. You can even become familiar over time.
But familiarity is something relationships develop; it is not something we should automatically impose on strangers.
Your best friend may understand your “Hi.” Your mother may answer your unexpected video call. Your sister may listen to your ten-minute voice note. Your spouse may appreciate your sentimental midnight message.
Those people know you.
When somebody doesn’t know you yet, start with courtesy, context and consideration.
Access to someone’s phone number is not the same thing as access to the person.